QuestionThirty – Q30

L2L: Stalking AK in HR, OR

Paul chooses human flesh over kale for Hood River snack.
Paul chooses human flesh over kale for Hood River snack.

Paul chooses human flesh over kale for Hood River snack.

When Angela–my friend, nutritionist, life coach, founder of vitalLife, and triathlete goddess living my grown-up fantasy albeit with more jogging and less writing–emailed me my eating schedule, menus, and shopping list, she told me, “I expect you to hit a wall at some point.”

She explained that the wall would help us refine the schedule and menu, and let us figure out a way over it. Everyone has limits to healthy eating and exercise,whether it’s a time issue, sweet tooth, grocery store phobia, or food addiction.

“I don’t even like food any more,” I semi-bragged. I could totally eat smoothies, sandwiches, salads with lean protein because I just don’t give a fuck what I eat as long as it’s enough to make me not die and give me energy. I also seriously thought that after a trip to Trader Joe’s, a few hours of blending chia seeds and avocados, and adjustments to my napping schedule to fit in more of physical therapy Pilates, I’d be on the road to Angela Krause goddess-living. Obviously, a memoir about catching cancer and then catching my spinal cord injury, transverse radiation myelopathy, would follow; then some low-level fame; tons of money rolling in for more books; probably a jazzier website; and then I’d pay off my mom’s mortgage, buy Paul his Barcelona condo, and my own cottage with garden space and a barn where I’d keep the high-horse upon which I’d preach truisms about life and death.


Ha. Ha.


Immediately, I hit my wall while wandering the aisles of Trader Joe’s, looking for fucking rice crackers and coconut oil. This changing my life shit is hard as hell and my wall looks like a goddamn mountain from where I stand at the base.

So here I am in Hood River, stalking Angela after she invited Paul and I to stay in her cool and cozy as get out cottage–at 600 square feet it’s a mansion compared to our 450 square foot apartment from hell in DC–getting re-inspired by Angela, and the founders of Atheletes4Cancer, pro kiteboarder Tonia Farman and Dr. Garrett Zalen, at their annual KiteBoarding4Cancer event. (Last April, I met all these awe-inspirers, Angela, Tonia, and Garrett, at the A4C Camp Koru adult cancer surf camp in Maui, Hawaii).

I’ll keep you up to speed on our fun-having and I’ll try to let go of my latent type A tendency to need to make every blog post perfect. Expect more cursing and fewer clever turns of phrase.

Love and type soon, XO


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Lauren Sczudlo

am a 30-year-old nap enthusiast, former high school English teacher, world traveling vineyard laborer, and picture book librarian, pursuing her life-long dream of being a ‘real’ writer.

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